Thoughts of an endless headache

Travelling is one of the things I wish I could do in the near future, and that because of my passion for knowing and learning new things everyday, explore new places and new cultures. The list of my favourite places, or, as I like to call them, must seen before dying places, is pretty long, although the one I want to see first and get to know better is India.

India is indeed incredible with its good and bad things, with great ancient culture, Maharajas and Maharanies stories, but also with poverty and simplicity, with exceptional brains and an unfortunate high level of corruption, but in the end with extremely awesome and unknown tones of colours and superb, warm and accolient people.

Well, in a sort of way, my bizare dream, has its beginning in my childhood, when I’ve becomed addicted to the Bollywood movies I was getting chance to see in cinema, with my mother. Although, the most important thing that made me love India with its traditions and colours, architecture and people, was the way in which my mum used to tell me a story based on a movie she saw when she was young. Not so much and not so impressive either, at a first side look, but the way she was telling me that story was marvelleous and as a child as I was, back then, at only four or five years old, that story captured me so much, that I’ve started to want to know more about everything she was telling me.

So, as the time passed, I’ve started to search for as many things as I could about that place in the world, she made me dream of. I was searching for indian music, movies, books, stories, everything, feeding my curiosity and also my soul with every crumb of information I could find, suffering for the poverty of information of that time. Since I am romanian, computer and internet facility came into my life a bit later and historical books about India, could not be found at every step, so I remember that even at school, loving history in general, I was expecially attracted of those lessons that were taking me to another world, to the Oriental and Extreme Oriental world, focussing my attention on indian culture and religion background. After all these years, I am still searching for any tiny thing that can make me understand and know better the indian society and life, but I am sure that I could only get to know India, its people and its culture, by going there and live all those feelings I am searching now.

That’s why, in this very moment, I just wish I could see this lovely country that made me descover myself, my wishes, my dreams, my future. It may seem a weird dream, but this is my story and I know that one sunny day, my bare feet will touch that ground, my eyes will see that light blue sky and my heart will feel that tremendous feeling of being, home. The child in me, still believes in a fairytale country named India.

I remember those days, in which I kept promising myself I will never change, when sky was light blue with pink dots, when there were no more worries then the “heavy” homework I had to do for the next day, or those “difficult” projects I had to finish.

I also remember those crazy things I use to do, those special moments I used to spend with my friends and again those promises, we all used to make, and that now are just some old memories for long forgotten in our subconscious. We used to say that we will be the same even after 10 or 15 years, that we will dress the same way, talk in the same way, behave in same way, never give up our piercings, tattoos or colored hair, without realizing that the biggest truth was in fact our, day by day, changing.

I do realize it once at 1 or 2 years, when I see my old photos, take a look at them, then take a look in the mirror, seeing a way different person. I’m not dressing the same way, I don’t have purple hair anymore, I don’t have the same expectations from life, nor same purposes. I even keep thinking if I want to put my piercing on again or not.

But the most important thing is that I don’t have regrets, I just feel more mature and also I feel that changes came when I needed so. I’m not giving up my true spirit, nor my principles of life, I’m just loosing the old me, the one that was fine a few years ago, but it’s not anymore, the same way I know, I will not be as I am today, two years from now.

Changing is good when it comes at the right moment, when it makes you become better and when it’s coming from the inside…

There is another thing that bothers me, nowadays, and I feel like sharing it here. That is the education issue of our times.

The main question that rise in my head, is why education becomes more and more selective, and more privileged, when we were suposed to fight illiteracy? How can someone make speeches in front of those poor families, about the importance of education, when they can’t afford daily loaf of bread for their children, when for some of them surviving is a daily victory against poverty and hard life??

Or, let’s pass to the luckiest ones, those who work, day and night, in order to offer their little ones the high privilege of education. How can they go ahead, when due to this crisis, they’re loosing their jobs and yet, besides other things, even schooling costs increase? Can we judge those who abandon school for jobs? Can we fully judge those students who choose to prostitute or to pass against the law, because they’re not able to afford their studying fee with decent jobs? Can we, when society offers no other choice to them? Can we judge the big society’s values lacks, when there is no one left to maintain and apply them?

When education is the golden key of a better life and a better future, who dares to deny it from us?

I grew up with my grandparents, until the age of eight or nine years old.

In our home, especially for my grandmother “mamaia”, religion was a very important issue, we used to go to church every sunday and not only, read religious books every morning and evening and also talked a lot about this, of course until I chose my religion and my beliefs on my own.

The main point of this post is that, talking with mamaia about religion and what I was hearing about the end of the world, she used to say that we people are going to make the end of the world come, nobody else and I couldn’t understand what she said then, as much as I couldn’t understand how can we, good people and religious ones can do that…

These days, the words of my mamaia, came into my head and realised now of how true they are, now that I know of how much pain we’re able to give to others, of how evil we can be with the ones near us, now that I know we need only a stupid sparkle as money, petrol, politics, business and so on to start a war and to hurt people around us. Now that I can see of how much sexuality and outside package counts for us, instead of what actually is the most important in a human being, now that I can see how easily we can sell poor children, and how easily we can use them for our benefits and then say smiling, that we help them so much and that we are the best thing that those kids will ever have in life, when we know definetely that this is not true…and oh my God, the examples can go a lot forward…

I don’t understand one thing and I’m sure I will never do…that’s why many questions keep coming into my mind:

Why white people are seen better then black ones, why catholics are better than muslims, or hindu, or some other tribal beliefs, why America is better than Asia or Europe is better than Africa, why thinking that we all might have our origins somewhere in Africa…actually our mother land it’s so poor and people suffer so much…why we, the “civilised” should represent the salvation when we could be the support…why can’t we help the one in need with no stereotype that might stop us…why muslims should fight with christians…why man should think his woman is inferior…and viceversa…why everything has to have a price these days…and why everytime we give something, even just a smile…we have to wait something in return???…

I know that if you’re going to read this, you won’t understand a thing, or at least not much…don’t worry this is only because it’s a mess…my mind’s mess, confusion and chaos…

So my point is that….people, scientists and so on, stop talking about the end of the world and give us some stupid and false dates when the Earth will die, or things like this….just look a bit around you!!!…and see the mess in which we live today.

Just finished the Nafisa Haji’s first book, “The Writing on My Forehead” and all I can say is that I am impressed. Actually there is kind of a long time passed since a book captured me this way from the first page I’ve read it. Without mentioning the very first click when I just saw it..read the title and said quick “I must read this book”.

The story is about an indo-pakistani girl, living in America’s Los Angeles, that is fighting with her destiny and with her traditions, changing the course of her life. She will be different from all, because this is what she wanted since she was a child, she will make her choices, good or bad ones, but she will learn to live with them like she will learn to loose and win in the same time….we all do.

Actually the story brings together the indo-pakistani traditions with both countries past, present and future, brings americanism and british ambient with their modernism and liberalism that can transform people ideas, or not…brings members of a very big family together or separated by fate, distances, relashionships, stereotypes or judges. It’s a colourful, historical and very current bestseller in which, on one hand are muslims…with their thoughts, beliefs, lifes, love, joys and tragedies….and on the other hand the society, whatever that would be and in which they can find themselves or not.

A story about understanding, love and family, with some other key elements that I won’t reveal though, leaving some mistery and inviting you to read this amazing adventure that kept my breath away til the end.

The world is as we make it…and the choice is in our hearts!